I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
