that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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