you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wanna passion pit in your ass
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
