i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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