You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
