question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
