I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
