i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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