After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
