The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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