remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
