i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
