I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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