Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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