Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
