Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
