i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
