just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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