my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
