I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
