I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
