A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
