And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
