the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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