I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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