So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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