Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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