Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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