can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
