I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
