Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
