I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
