doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i out mim tonsoeep
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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