i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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