she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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