its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
