On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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