I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
4 words: hood of his car
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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