his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
