I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
