We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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