I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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