are you still at the devil's house?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
