You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
