R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
