Where did you get a picture of my penis
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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