What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
