I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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