remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
