when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
