I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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