If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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