i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
